Stephen Colbert jokes about Donald Trump and Sean Hannity having talks before bedtime. What are they talking about? Are they gossiping or discussing some serious matters? Also, what would Trump talk about with Melania, if she was there when he prepared for bed?
Welcome to part 2 of tonight's monologue already in progress.
Now, before the break, I was telling the good people out here about the special relationship of Donald Trump and Sean Hannity. They're like the Gayle and Oprah of angry old white men.
According to New York magazine, “Donald Trump and Sean Hannity Like to Talk Before Bedtime”.
– Sean, what are you wearing?
– I'm wearing nothing but a cheeseburger wrapper. I'll never get the smell of onions out now.
So, what are these lovable old cultures talk about? Apparently, they alternate between discussing the “witch hunt!” and gabbing like old girlfriends about media gossip and whose show sucks.
I hope it's me! I would love to be up there with low-rated Morning Joe and funny SNL and lying SpongeBob SquarePants. I'm more of a Chum Bucket fan.
Now, one source said that Trump needs these calls with Hannity because “He doesn't live with his wife”… explaining that he lacks someone “to decompress” with at the end of the day. Yeah, if Melania were there, he could complain to her about how his day went, “Today, one of the pornstars I had sex with, while you were home with our newborn, didn't carry out the terms of her NDA. Talk about a Monday!”
And they don't just talk at bedtime. On some days, they speak multiple times… with the President entering the room and announcing, “I just hung up with Hannity”.
So, after a cable news pundit talks to the President of the United States, it's the President name-dropping Sean Hannity? – That's like Beyonce bragged about meeting the Trivago Guy. Apparently – where is he from? I can't place that accent…
In other news, turns out that other news channels made Trump grumpy. What was their information and stuff? So, sources say that now, Trump's media diet is a mainly complete dosage of Fox. Yes, a complete dosage of Fox. Side effects may include decreased worldview, verbal diarrhea, and Lou Dobbs disease.
Remember, if your Tucker Carlson lasts more than four hours, it's because he's a dick. But, people – he's a good guy, you’d like him. He's a good guy. You, guys, should meet him – but people close to Trump are worried about what mainlining Fox might be doing to him. One former Trump White House official said that Trump, Fox, and Hannity are in “a f***-up feedback loop”.
What ends up happening is Judge Jeanine or Hannity fill him up with a bunch of crazy s***, and everyone on staff has to go and knock down all the f*** fires they started.
Well, the chaos of this administration makes more sense if they think you put out fires by knocking them down. – There's a fire! Quick, everyone, punch it, take it over, push the fire over! Ow, this is hurting me! I'm on fire! Stop pushing me, stop pushing me! Stop it!
The same article also discussed Hannity's daily routine, including his two hours of “street martial arts”. And it goes on to say that “Applying the term karate to his workouts greatly agitates him”. – Sean, just say it's karate! You sound like a 12-year-old, “Mom, it's not karate, it's mixed martial New Jitsu. Also, can you drive me to mixed martial New Jitsu? Sensei Neil gets mad if we're late and then I don't get orange slices. No mercy. Sweep the leg”.
Why would Sean Hannity get agitated by the term “karate”? He's a karate master and his karate sure is karate. I mean look at this karate man, karate karate karate karate! Now I know why you're not supposed to talk about Fight Club – it's really embarrassing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W16tAWU4hdM
