Here are the best dialogues, the best episodes from the series The Office. It is an American comedy TV series that was aired in 2005-2013. If you didn’t watch it, you can overget now. There really are lots of funny jokes in it. We offer you only some of them.
Almost 120,000 views during just a few days. That’s something.
Yes, I am super cool. I am an accountant at a failing paper supply company in Scranton, much like Sir Ian McKellen.
The Office. The Best of Oscar
– I just got an email from corporate, specifically for accounting to stop all payments to our vendors.
– What does that mean?
– Maybe nothing, but it could be…
– Wow, wow. What’s this strange Yankee accent coming out of your mouth, son?! This here is Savannah.
– Fellows, eh... Plant… plantate this plantation. Who will run in loan for greenbacks, and we have problems paying the people who give us the seeds and the dirt, we can't pay them. Michael, I can't – basically, it could mean a lot of things but it is unprecedented, so it's cause for concern.
– Whoa, there's a lot of brain power in this room. We’ve got Michael and Oscar, the two smartest guys in the Office, also in that order.
– Funny, Jim, that is funny.
– Very comedicly humorous, Jim.
– I have a computer question. Hey, Oscar…
– What is it?
– Can you move aside so that I can ask Michael?
– All right, I get it.
– Michael, how do I create a new tab?
– Try Ctrl+P.
– That's Prints.
– Not if the printer isn't hooked up. We're making some very dangerous assumptions, Oscar.
– Oscar, it must be killing you to know that Michael is smarter than you.
– He's… he is not smarter than me. He was just right about one thing.
– Yeah, but it was a really smart thing to be right about, actually.
– Actually, it was.
Around here, Oscar is known as “Actually” because he will insert himself into just about any conversation to add facts or correct grammar. He really does fit that old stereotype of the smug gang Mexican.
– Why would you cancel Jim's credit cards?
– I usually can think quick on my feet but they were so fast on the phone.
– This constitutes identity fraud.
– Oh God. I wouldn't last in jail, Oscar, I'm not like you.
– What's that supposed to mean?
– Well, you don't know about jail? Oh, you would love jail.
– Why would I love jail?
– Because… you would love it.
Look, it doesn't take a genius to know that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents, a boat that sets sail without two captains, where would Catholicism be without two popes?
– Oscar, Oscar, Oscar. Oscar, you are…
– Michael, I just lost quarter hardware. I lost them.
– Okay, you know what, just do your best, buddy. Okay, Oscar, you are very smart and you have a gigantic education, and I think of you as my scarecrow because you gave me a brain. So that's why I made you this.
– Thank you, Michael. It’s beautiful.
[laugh] It looks like it was made by a two-year-old monkey! He just accepted that I put all this work to do it! He has lost opinion on me, of anybody!
I love a good quitting story. It makes me feel like I have control over my own life, gives me hope, maybe I'll have one of my own someday. But I dream.
– What is wrong with you? She is engaged.
– Did you ever have intercourse in this office?
– Are you serious? Ah, where? Where? Where, Dwight?
– Seems like you already know where.
– Angela's husband just hit on me.
– Oh, my god!
– I know!
– Wait, what? Come on!
– We were talking about animals. He gives me his cell phone number. He was just dying for me to have it.
– Okay, Oscar, I'm not saying you're not dreamy, because you are, but isn't it possible that he was just schmoozing a voter?
– If you would have seen the look he gave me, he wanted to run more than just my vote.
– Okay. What was this look?
– Whoa!
– What happened, did you do it?
– Twice. For real?
– Okay, guys, not every glance means something, all right? Life isn't Downton Abbey.
– Life is Downton Abbey.
– Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go over there I'm gonna talk to him, and I guarantee you he gives out his cell phone to everybody.
– If you would like to talk about this some more, my door is always open. So, here's my office number and my cell number.
– Thank you.
– Well, looks like he really did just want to talk about the issues. I'm sorry, Oscar.
– No, sorry about what? There's nothing to be sorry about here.
No, I'm certainly not disappointed that Angela's husband wasn't hitting on me. I'd have to be a monster to root for that. Lonely, aging monster.
– Oscar!
– Nice to see you again. It was lovely.
– It was lovely. And don't forget to call.
– Okay.
– Thanks so much for coming.
Why does this always happen to me?! I just feel so bad for Angela.
– Here are our final actual costs for this year.
– Okay.
– As you can see, we did pretty well.
– Yes. Yes, I can see that we did indeed. Why don't you explain this to me like I am an 8-year-old?
– All right, well, this is the overall budget for this fiscal year along the x-axis.
– Yes. There’s the x-axis.
– You can see clearly on this page that we have a surplus of $4,300.
– Mm-hmm, okay.
– We have to spend that by the end of the day or it will be deducted from next year's budget.
– Why don't you explain this to me like I'm 5?
– Your mommy and daddy gave you $10 to open up a lemonade stand, so you go out and you buy cups and you buy lemons and you buy sugar. And now you find out that it only cost you $9. See, having extra dollar?
– Yeah.
– So, you can give that dollar back to mommy and daddy, but guess what? Next summer…
– I'll be 6.
– When you ask them for money, they're gonna give you $9 coz that's what they think it cost, you understand? So, what you want to do is spend that dollar on something now, so that your parents think that it costs $10 to run the lemonade stand.
– So, the dollar’s a surplus, this is a surplus.
– We have to spend that $4,300 by the end of the day or it'll be deducted from next year's budget. We should spend this money on a new copier which we desperately need.
– Okay, break it down in terms of… Okay, I think I'm getting you.
– You ready?
– What are you doing?
– I’m going to embrace Oscar – you might want to watch this, Angela, because you can't catch anything. Here we go. We are going to make a statement, you and I are going to make a statement together. Oscar is my friend.
– I'd rather not.
– And I just don't care who sees it. It doesn't bother me.
– I would really rather not.
– Come here. You’re my friend.
– No, no, I don't want to touch you. Ever considered that? You're ignorant and insulting, and small!
– Okay. All right, em, sorry. I’m sorry.
– That was a good idea, come on. Come on.
– Oscar, I called you friend.
– I know, I know.
– You’re a good guy.
– You too.
Michael appears to be gay too. And yet he is my friend. I guess I do have a gay friend.
– You know, I'm gonna raise the stakes. You know, I want you to watch this. And I want you to burn this into your brains because this is an image that I want you, people, to remember for a long time to come. Whenever you come into the office, I want you to think about this.
– We don't need to.
– Yes we do.
– What?
Oh! Oh! Aw!
– I did it.
– Thank you.
– See, I'm still here. We're all still here.
– Oh, come on, Dwight, come on, man!
